Tracey Laverick

New Year 2011

i wrote this blog for New Year 2021. 

For most, the promise of good things to come. 

We feel that way too, but it’s hard not to take some time to reflect on the significance of the day to us.

January 1, 2021, marks ten years since that fateful day when Mark had a catastrophic stroke which changed the course of our lives.

Gone are the plans, goals and dreams that we had. Things such as, where we would see ourselves in 2021, and plans we had as a family. Certainly not where we are now.

I grieve the loss of my old life. I grieve the husband I had and the conversations we can no longer have. The plans we can't make. Sometimes, but not often, I miss the friends that have disappeared - the ones that found it too hard or uncomfortable.

But, if I stop and dwell on the “what could have been”, it would be a sad life.

On this day I allow myself the time to have a cup of coffee - something I learned early in this journey. I wallow and I take a moment. After that it’s time to put my big girl pants back on. 

I want to reflect on the things that are good, the things that make it ok. The parts that are not only good, but great and very positive.

And I think of Mark, he’s had the biggest loss of all but he doesn’t complain.

I stop and think about what an awesome man I’m married to. How he has the biggest smile and most positive attitude of anyone I’ve ever met. How he continues to strive for improvement (not that he isn’t perfect just the way he is) so he can continue to kick goals.

I think of all the special friends that I have now. The ones that wouldn’t have been part of our lives if it wasn't for stroke. These days I just can't imagine life without them.

I think of the friends that include me in their travel plans, even when I can’t, but they still ask. I thank them for that.

Mark’s special friends, his mates, the ones that call in and have a drink with him. The ones that know fake bourbon still gives him a “dusty” morning.

I think of our families. Wow, where do I start. Their love, and support, and the list of things that they have done for us over the years, is endless. 

For example, in the early days when I could only leave the house three hours a week, they managed to get Sam, our daughter, to swimming, dancing, school, home, to collect from school if sick, play dates and all her extra-curricular activities.

They’d hang with Mark as times improved to allow me to attend these things myself.

Modified Hawks Nest worked tirelessly so that Christmases could be celebrated together. They took Sam on holidays and camping (something I’m not sure I’d have ever done!). They helped with driving lessons, bought groceries, gave me company, and for basically anything that was needed they stepped in and helped out.

Finally, to our 'Team Laverick' support workers and therapists. You keep me sane, you keep Mark on track and adjust so easily to the swings and roundabouts that life throws us.

We have many, many things to be grateful for, and after “coffee time” that’s exactly where our focus will be.

We will make plans. We will set goals. Most importantly we will be grateful.

Thank you, you’ve all helped us on this journey, we are very appreciative of your support.

Happy New Year. May 2021 bring love, peace and happiness to you all.

Why I do the Stride4stroke

Aphasia & Apraxia

Words I didn’t even know.  Words that I am sure unless they have impacted on you or a loved one you wouldn’t know either.

They are part of Mark’s stroke that sucks.

Physically most of you would see that Mark has very limited mobility in his right side.  The obvious disability.  It’s crap & for the someone that was so very active must be very frustrating.  Mark in the true amazing guy that he is never shows me any signs of frustration.  He just takes it all in his stride.  I wish!!!  The last stroke took the walking part away because if you can’t see the walking stick out of your good eye then you don’t know where to hold it or trust that you are putting it somewhere that will be safe to take the next step. Again this doesn’t really phase him.

If you don’t know what these words mean please google them.  Remember when you do that Aphasia is loss of words not intelligence.  I can assure you Mark knows what is going on & can be as cunning as a cut snake if he is trying to sneak another chocolate or fake bourbon.  Just ask anyone that has been here for dinner.  They know he doesn’t need the words to charm his way into what he wants.

This memory came up on my Facebook feed today.  I remember that day so well.  The three of us cried real tears of joy. 

It’s these invisible little critters.  The ones that stole his speech away.  The ones that make communicating with others so hard. The ones that make asking his daughter, wife or friends “tell me about your day” near but impossible.

Imagine that you have the words but you can’t get them out.  You can’t ask your daughter, who was only 10 at the time of Mark’s stroke, “tell me about your day”. 

Imagine all the times you’ve had something on your mind but you just couldn’t get it out.

Imagine having a group of friends over & you just couldn’t contribute to the conversation.

Imagine what that must be like.  I try but I will never know what it is really like for Mark.

What I can do is stride4stroke.  What I can do is raise awareness of stroke.  What I can do is share our story to hope that you can share it & it helps someone recognise the early signs of stroke or to take action to reduce their risk of stroke.

If you would like to support me on my Stride4Stroke journey the link is here & if you aren’t able to do it financially, please share my blog of our journey. 

Stoke Sucks ... Finding something to be Grateful

Today is about appreciating our daughter

For those that are my Facebook friends you will notice that I have been very absent from my sunrise walks.

As most of you know Mark requires 24/7 care. In order for me to have my morning walks I needed somebody else in the house. Even though Mark was sleeping during these times (he’s not a morning person) I couldn’t leave him in the house alone.

My morning walk was more than just some exercise it was my catch up with Kelly (fellow stroke wife)  and Zen.

Last year Sam moved out but now is back home and occasionally sleeping here I can get back in and see those beautiful sunrises. Oh, plus I have become very lazy so getting back into routine is proving a struggle.

That’s not all Sam does to help out at home.  There at lots of little things but here’s an example of what she did last night.

I arrived home with Mark from a long weekend at Hawks Nest. Sam had just arrived home too from work. Without complaint she took over hanging out with Mark so that I could:

• Safely unload the car

• Water the garden

• Unpack

• Get some washing on

Hanging out with Mark might seem like the easy part of this but all of these things are not possible without someone keeping a steady eye on him. Mark’s impulsive behaviour mean he could be up to any type of risky activity without constant attention.

I am telling you this guy can move from 0 to 100 in no time if he is zeroed in on something and you have to keep your wits about you.

I’m not sure how many sunrises I’ll make but I plan on reaching my goal during the month of November one way or another.

So, THANK YOU Samantha for all the little things you do. They add up to HUGE things.

Dad & I love you very much & so proud of the beautiful human you are.

When I start my day like this I know it’s going to be fabulous. I hope your day is too.

Some days I grieve The loss of my husband more than others

This might seem a strange thing for me to say considering my husband is alive. (Originally when I wrote this sentence I said "alive and well". )The stark reality is that I don’t know I can use the word "well" to describe Mark.

Mark is now has four recorded strokes. I say recorded because there's certainly been times over the years when he’s had some type of neurological episode that medical attention hasn’t been needed to record whether there’s been another stroke or not.

Brief summary:

Age 40 - 2002 - First stroke - minor clot - resulting in extreme fatigue

Age 48 - 2011 - Huge bleed - resulting in loss of movement in right side = wheelchair, global aphasia - inability to understand what was being said & inability to talk, cognitive deficits

Age - 55 - 2018 - Clot stroke - cognitive decline, physical decline

Age 59 - 2021 - Clot stroke - loss of sight in left eye, physical & cognitive decline

So when I say I grieve the loss of my husband it’s my pre stroke husband that I grieve.

Don’t get me wrong I love with all my heart the husband I have now. Some days I just miss my old one a little more.

Both versions of my husband are Extremely cheeky, Handsome and always wearing his big smile.

This is the last week of October which means Stride4Stroke is about to start.

Those that know me personally know that the  Stroke Foundation and all it does is extremely important to me. 

So now is the time I’m going to start bugging you all to help me raise as much as I can for them.

Stride4Stroke 2021